“If you think you have blown God’s plan for your life, Rest assured, because you are not that powerful.”
It was night. I remember lying in bed thinking and then realizing I had missed my period. I took one of the pregnancy tests I had in my drawer. The test was positive…I was pregnant. I was happy because I knew this is what I wanted. I then soon experienced an overwhelming feeling of being scared. I was scared because I already had a child from a prior relationship. Plus what was my family going to think? I was living with them at the time. There was no extra room and they were already helping me out as it is. I was nervous on how Joseph was going to react. Almost immediately, I sent him a picture of the positive test result…..He texted back, asking what it meant. I told him that we were going to have a baby. He then texted saying he was scared and if he could call instead. We both thought we could not become pregnant simply because I considered myself to be underweight. I was feeling pretty content with the situation, up until I heard him say that he wasn’t ready to have a baby. This….was, really hard for me to process. During the next few weeks, we had many more conversations following that one. I tried my best to understand where he was coming from, BUT if I’m honest, it was all just too surreal. I felt quite distant from him because of it…. it was a very confusing time for us…..Eventually we weighed our options, with adoption not being one of them. So in the end, it really came down to all or nothing. Either we were going to end the pregnancy, or go through with it.
Despite everything, I had convinced myself that I would go through with the procedure to please Joseph. Especially if it meant saving our relationship because I knew how scared he was and I loved him. We walked into Planned Parenthood and were scheduled a consultation appointment. Might I mention, if this procedure could be done in one visit, I would not be here talking with you today, because the abortion would have been done. Only because the procedure is completed in 4 visits, did we have the time to really think, process, and talk a bit more. On the second visit, I was given the abortion pill in a bottle. This pill would stop the heartbeat of my baby. Then later, during a separate visit, I would be given another, and final pill that would completely rid the baby from my body. However, deep down, I knew that if I went through with the abortion, I would have resentment toward Joseph and that I could not be with him because of it. Although we already had the pill with us, and I could have taken it at any given moment in time, it stayed laying on top of my dresser.
I called Central Texas Life Care and they helped me with a pregnancy test and ultrasound. I knew how Joseph felt about the pregnancy, but I took him along hoping he would have second thoughts. While I was receiving counseling there, Joseph was reading an educational booklet in the lobby room, explaining abortion and its effects. This was enough for him to see the short and long term impacts abortion would have on me. That same day, we left hearing our baby’s heartbeat, received a couple of our very first pictures of our baby, and a proof of pregnancy to begin steps toward prenatal care. Central Texas Life Care has been, and is still currently being, a great support system. Specifically, The Material Assistance Program prepared us as parents to know exactly what to expect in our pregnancy, and especially helped Joseph become more confident in being ready to be a dad. We’ve learned so much through this program as well as receive generous baby items every time we attend.
Months in, we found out the gender and named our daughter Aiala…..She is so beautiful. And I’m the lucky one because I am her mom. She means everything to me. Joseph became the best father I could have ever asked for. It breaks my heart to share that he passed away unexpectedly last week. But I will forever have with me the heartfelt memories of his great love for Aiala. He was the one who did most of her diaper changing and bathing, and all the while working overnight shifts. And if I must admit, he’s was also the one who got the most smiles out of her. It’s no denying she looks completely like him. She will always be a daddy’s girl. She will be raised right and with love. And with the help of God, I pray that she won’t ever have to experience the option of abortion. I know God was with us and guiding us, the whole time through all of this. Recently, I read something inspirational that said, “If you think you have blown God’s plan for your life, Rest assured, because you are not that powerful.” …..I see now His powerful plan for me and my daughter’s life and I am grateful to live out His blessings.